When people talk about you, behind your back or even to your face, which word do they use? I think everyone has a word. For my brother John, it is Intelligent; for my brother Luke, it is Determined or Strong. My word is Sweet, and I hate it.
Oh, for heavens sake, Samantha! There are far worse things to be known for!? Well, that's true, and I'm not saying that you are what people call you. I've always been sweet. As a baby, I never really fussed; as a toddler, I didn't throw hairy fits. My teenage years were fairly mild, and I emerged with no bizarre body modifications or serious regrets (thank you, Jesus). These days, I don't ruffle feathers, I avoid conflict like it will give me hives, and I'm bookish which gives the impression that I am quiet and reflective.
None of the things are wrong or unfair. So what is my issue? When people tell me I'm sweet, it often means one of two things:
1) They haven't seen me have a bad day, get mad, or be an idiot...which implies they don't know me very well. This use of sweet isn't offensive to me. Its just that the people who love me the most know better than to think I'm sweet all the time.
2) They think I'm sweet enough to silently accept whatever rubbish they are going to throw at me. You would be astonished at how often this happens. Type-A personalities in particular thrive on Type-B personalities (me), and assume I am too naive to understand what they are doing. Sweet becomes Simple-minded.
Can you see why I hate my word? It's not all that bad for people to think you are nice girl who doesn't start drama or color outside the lines. However, it isn't the all encompassing truth. I have bad days. I get grumpy; I'm selfish; I sin everyday; I lash out when I'm hurt; I complain when my plans fail. I need Jesus more than anyone else I've ever met. So, when that word comes out, something in my heart bucks against it. Why? Because when people think that being good and sweet comes easily to you, it takes away from the truth of how much I need my Savior. I'm not sweet. I'm not inherently good. In fact, I'm naturally the antithesis.
So I'm changing my word. Don't worry: I'm not going to turn into some rebellious, angst-ridden, drama queen. I am, however, going to be more transparent. I'm not sweet. I'm His. He is mine, and I am His. The more Jesus shines through my broken bits, the more transparent I become, and its a beautiful thing.
LOVE
Rest assured, I consider you passionate. ^_^
ReplyDeleteThank you, Casia!!!! And I consider you brilliant! And very witty too! Loved your poetry in Dr. Paul's class.
ReplyDeleteI, too, get called sweet quite often. The one that irks me the most though is "cute." Yes. I understand that I'm short and little compared to a lot of people. I understand that I still look like I'm high school. But so often I feel like when people call me "cute" they're dismissing as a child, someone without consequence, or without an opinion. They generally mean it in a positive light, but I feel your pain, girl. :)
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