Sorry to be late with that, but I've been living out of a suitcase for the past couple days. I hope your Christmas was beautiful and filled with sweet new memories.
As it always happens, right after the madness of Christmas is over, I sum up the past year. I suppose you could call it "reflection." I feel it is good to remember the miracles God performed, the hardships that blindsided us, the ways we grew and the ways we can still grow.
While I was thinking over 2012, I couldn't sum it up. Was it a good year? A bad year? No, it was a weird year. This was the year when nothing made sense. Good things happened, bad things happened, stupid stuff happened. So many things that I trusted and relied on were shaken loose.
- I went a year without a solid job even after working so hard in college.
- I had a life-changing experience at Passion 2012 with my ticket completely paid for by someone I've never met.
- Turns out, all the things God spoke to my heart at that conference are now on hold because God's keeping the doors temporarily closed.
- I wrote a book and was then swindled by a publisher.
- I randomly started attending a new church (different from my family's), and love it.
- While driving to meet a friend for coffee, the tire on my car came off its axle and God miraculously stopped my Astro van while it was flying downhill at 55mph with only three wheels and bare brakes.
- I was hit head-on by a drunk 19-year old in a massive car accident that we both walked (or stumbled) away from.
- Two days after my accident I went to a job interview covered in cuts and grisly bruises...and they still hired me. I love this job, and it came out of nowhere.
- A friendship that I loved and trusted flew back in my face, and I still don't know why.
- Good people in my life passed away suddenly.
- Good things came into my life, and then were taken back abruptly.
So what have I learned (besides the fact I should never drive a car again)?
- I've learned your life can change in a second
- People are unpredictable, wonderful, and selfish
- God knows exactly what I need, and delights to give His loved ones good things.
- Sometimes no matter how hard you try to stop bad things happening, they happen.
- Most of the beauty and blessings God gives come out of the blue, and I have to be willing to let Him take the gifts back if He wants to.
- Hard work and filling your time wisely is critical; doing it with the correct spirit is everything.
- Never despair because He loves me, and nothing changes that.
- I'm stronger than I thought and none of it is my own strength.
Now, why was it the year of the snowglobe? I like metaphors. I like to think of my safe little glass world where everything is laid out just as I like it. Everything is orderly, and all my plans work out just as they should. I do all the safe, responsible things, but never realize how wrong and dull this little world is. Then God picks up my glass house and shakes it. Suddenly, nothing makes sense, there is glitter everywhere, and I flip out because nothing is where it should be. I grasp for bits of my safe world, desperate to put them back in their place, but I can't keep up, and when I'm too tired to fight anymore I stop and look. The purpose of the snowglobe isn't to be safe or orderly. It's to let the pieces dance. It's to display beauty, and to trust that everything will float back down again.
In 2012, God told me that He loves me more than anyone else ever could; He showed me He loved me by taking away all my control. Love isn't giving someone everything they want; its giving them what they need, even if what they need hurts for a little while. And though this world and this year felt like it was spiraling out of control, nothing happened that wasn't for our best interest. It's snowing outside my window right now as I write this blog, little bits of beauty swirling around, and each one will land where it was meant to.
Happy New Year, friends. May this be the year that you lose control of your life, and let the snow fly.
LOVE
Amazing AGAIN!!!!!
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